#2 Tell or Show Her How It Feels to See Her in Pain

By Kelsey. T. Chun MFT

The antidote to the first three invalidating responses of trying to take away or minimize her pain? Sitting in the muck of it with her. Instead of running from her pain or trying to make it go away, tolerate the inevitable discomfort of seeing someone you love in pain and even try to feel what she feels—empathize.

You don’t have to experience infertility yourself to do this. I’m sure you know what it’s like to have an important hope or dream not come to fruition—tap into that experience. The most validating response I ever received when I opened up about our infertility to a friend was when she started to cry. She hadn’t experienced this herself, but I knew from this response that it caused her pain to see me in pain. She didn’t have to say anything to convey her deep sense of empathy. You certainly don’t have to force yourself to cry, but find a way to convey—either with or without words—that you share your friend’s suffering.

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